Another April 21st. (Prev posts, 2019, 2020, 2021). My day of . . . well I’ve been saying self-care when I explain it to other people. But it’s something different than that. Something more like appreciation and gratitude for myself, even when I am messy and imperfect. Gratitude for life even on tough days and with tough people. It is a day of remembrance, the first day I decided to try to get better. I’ve had to decide again and again and again.
I wear my cherry dress and my jean jacket with the Spider-Man pin. I play one of my favorite mental health Ted Talks for a lunch and learn. Thirteen people show up. It’s good. I smile with energy and a steadiness I didn’t know I could muster through most of the day. The sun is shining outside. The weather is warming.
An end-of-the-day meeting leaves my head spinning all evening, but I walk to my parents and we hot tub and have dinner and it’s okay, it’s okay. My body will process, my mind will process. I’m completing the stress cycle. Even April 21st isn’t immune to life being life sometimes. Honestly, that’s kind of what it’s all about.
I play music and drink a glass of wine and do what I did even then . . . fifteen years ago in the windowpane . . . I find my reflection. I see myself. I know myself.
I am as ancient as the earth I’m planted in and as new as my tiniest bloom. I am my own Touch Tree: strong, singular, alive. Still growing. I have everything I need, beneath me, above me, inside me. I am never gonna lose me.
-Glennon Doyle
With Love,
Natalie