I don’t trust any healing that doesn’t return to the basics. Glennon Doyle said something like that on her podcast recently and I remember it this morning, leaning against my desk, take a few deep breaths. A million ways I could not show up today and I show up anyway. A thousand things I could do tonight but I give it a rest. After all, work is an ends to a mean — not the end all be all.
We talk about conflict in our leadership program today, and the conversation revolves around building trust and empathy. A proactive approach to cutting the hurtful conflict off at the pass. But then we know that inevitably something is going to piss us off and we need to practice how to handle it. Slowing down. Asking for time. Going for a walk. Breathe, breathe, breathe. It’s a little different for everyone but self-regulating, or self-soothing, is one of the most important skills we can hone in and outside of work.
I have a conversation today with my new mentee — a manager who tell me there’s so much going on each day but when they get to the end of the week they don’t know where the week went. What did they do? How do they know if they’re winning? I feel that in my bones, caught up in a tornado. There are 19 things on my to-list for this week, most carried over from last week, and they are the tip of iceberg on what I actually have to do. But do they all matter? I’m not sure. Probably not.
Another manager and I chat about how we need time away from work to let ourselves process and think. They’ve been running themselves ragged, running themselves sick, and it took a surgery and forced time away from work to articulate it clearly. All these diminishing returns and I sit here typing, feeling guilty for only working nine hours today. All meetings, no break, but I’m left with that same feeling my mentee had — what did I actually do? Did it matter?
I read a book a few years ago I might revisit, It Doesn’t Have to Be Crazy at Work. Because it really doesn’t. A little perspective. Some boundaries. We try to do everything and be everything for everybody but when I stopped making work the center of my identity I did better work. But it still scares me to think about losing it — those false voices telling me that maybe I’m just being lazy, maybe I just can’t keep up, maybe it I say no I don’t have the capacity they’ll say no to me altogether. (Another book recommendation: Laziness Does Not Exist by Devon Price).
Back to the basics — breathe, move, sleep. I make dinner, I read my book. Tomorrow I’ll go running again.
With Love,
Natalie