This is not the word I’ve been mulling over the past few weeks. After a year of Waves, I’ve been wanting something steadier. Grounded. Centered. I hadn’t landed on a word but I was circling those concepts. I imagined myself sinking beneath the waves and feeling the peace of the water below. Or rising to the clear blue sky that’s always above the storm. I thought about standing back on the shore, planting myself, finding a way to be in my body again.
I was leading the word of the year workshop on Friday, doing a little reflecting of my own, and looking out the window at the bay. All those metaphors and images played out in my mind and I felt this longing. I don’t want to go to ground, I wrote. I don’t want to hide away. I want to carry my center with me and go forth.
Honestly, with all these water metaphors, I started thinking about the movie Moana. She feels this calling to the water but during her first attempt to go beyond the reef, her boat is smashed by the powerful waves and she barely makes it to shore alive. But she doesn’t stay on her island forever. She gets access to a bigger boat, one made for navigating the tumultuous ocean, and sets sail on her adventure.
I don’t want to hide away. I don’t want to go backward. I want to go on. Onward.
Put it on O for onward!
-Barley Lightfoot, Onward
In 2017 I had “Move Forward” as my theme for the year. The year before had been a series of hard knocks (including my divorce) and I chose those words to tell myself I could go on . . . that if I could do nothing else I could put one foot in front of the other. This past year had 2016 energy all over it so I’m drawing on parts of that again using the similar theme of “Onward”. But it lands a little differently for me.
To me, Onward had intention behind it. Adventure. Daring. Grit. As well as the momentum to carry me in a better place than the one I’ve been in lately. I don’t want another year like the last one but the reality is that the waves are going to keep coming and I need to find a better way to navigate them as long as I’m choosing to be out on the water. And I am choosing to be out on the water.
I want to take everything I was thinking about in finding more steadiness and rhythm again and use that like a compass to point me on. I want to reconnect with my center but I don’t want to stand still.
I ran across this quote today:
From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back. That is the point that must be reached.
-Franz Kafka
One interpretation of the quote said: “Kafka stresses the significance of reaching that point of no return, implying that it is a crucial step towards personal growth and life-altering transformations . . . it urges us to embrace change and make bold choices. It serves as a reminder of the power and importance of seizing opportunities and facing the unknown head-on.”
Personal growth. Transformation. Embrace change. Make bold choices.
I’ll need to build up my strength to go Onward. I may need better tools. A bigger boat. My lung capacity could use some work. I probably need to get out of my bed and off my couch more than I have lately.
I have no idea what 2024 will bring. Truly. I am scared to even write down hopes, though I will. But I do know that I want it to be a year where I will carry on, and I will do my best to carry on with intention and strength, to carry on with a more centered heart. If I don’t have a map, I’ll draw one. If I get pushed beneath the waves I’ll use my legs and kick upwards.
I drew a tarot card for the year on my birthday last year — the eight of swords. My deck says that’s the card that means “you’re not as trapped as you think you are.”
That resonates. I have more control than I think I do. Onward.
Some days I’m sure I’ll still feel like I’m drowning. But I want his word to remind me that there are moments past that. Paths unexplored. Adventure and joy alongside strength and discipline.
Some hopes for 2024, in no particular order:
- I’ll become an aunt this year. I’m going to be the best aunt.
- I hope I’ll keep playing D&D and running games, serving that creative and collaborative itch.
- I hope I’ll keep writing more and take my latest trash draft to a polished draft.
- I hope I’ll read more, let’s hit that 100-book goal again.
- I hope I’ll move more and get stronger.
- I hope I seek out creative things and creative connections.
- I hope I spend time volunteering for causes that I care about and that create community for me.
- I hope I drink alcohol in more moderation.
- I hope I build routines I’m proud of that give me energy each day.
- I hope my journey to become a parent is kinder this year.
- I hope I become a parent.
- I hope I deepen my connections with the most important people in my life.
- I hope I’m surprised by new connections deepening.
- I hope my work is more fulfilling and balanced.
- I hope I see beautiful places.
- I hope I spend more time outside.
- I hope I keep meditating and spend more time being intentional about my meditation and how it can serve me.
- I hope I learn more about myself.
- I hope I learn more about the world.
- I hope I feel more inspired by learning and growth this year.
And I hope I keep hoping. Even though it kills me sometimes. I hope I know that no matter the rock bottoms I hit, there is always more road, more ocean, more life ahead. Onward.
With Love,
Natalie