When I was taught to be a woman
I was taught that we were equal
I was taught that ‘make me a sandwich’ jokes
Were funny because they were not true
I was taught about the suffragists —
The white woman hunger-striking in prison
So we could vote — had done the good work
The white women dawning pantsuits
So we could work, had done the good fight
So why would we fight now?
When I was taught to be a woman
I was taught that women love men
And that men love women
I was taught that some woman may ‘experiment’
But a woman kissing a woman didn’t mean anything
Not beyond entertainment for men
I was taught that I should stop trying to kiss girls
Because people would think I was gay
I was not taught what gay was, not really, not then
Only that it was something that I should not be
When I was taught to be a woman
I was taught that womanhood was exclusive
To your sex assigned at birth
Or rather, I was not taught about it
And all the other diverse and beautiful ways women
Are — Become — and Reject womanhood
When I was taught to be a woman
I was taught that my body was up for public opinion
I was taught that it would be
Complimented or judged
Wanted or rejected
Catcalled on the street at thirteen
Smile
When I was taught to be a woman
I was taught to cover my drink
I was taught to pay attention
I was taught sexual assault was wrong
But never about what it meant to consent
I was taught that virginity
Was something you lost
Something that hurt
Something that made you bleed
Something you shouldn’t, should, shouldn’t, should do
I was taught about male desire
And never my own
When I was taught to be a woman
I should’ve stuffed wax in my ears
And bitten off their tongues
And screamed until the glass cracked
And it would not change
How angry I still am
At the fairytale
Burnt at the stake
And it would not change
Where all the blame falls
In my learning and unlearning
(on me — on me — on me)
Because no one is teaching me to be a woman
Not anymore
But I know now
That when someone asks me to set fire
To all that I’ve learned
To grab the matches
With Love,
Natalie