I open my blog google document, where I sometimes work on drafting poems, and find the latest line alone on a page, “Am I UNHINGED”.
Just to give the week a vibe. I wonder where that poem was going.
It gets a little better. I’m too cold on my run, but I skip a meeting and run anyway. My thighs feel frozen since I forget to wear my winter leggings — the warm January has thrown me off. I’m slow, nothing to write home about today. But still, running helps.
I didn’t run at all last week and my boss texted me on Thursday that it looked like I needed a good cry. So I guess I need to get it the fuck together. I’m working on it, truly. Sometimes life spilleth over and jobs are hard and anxiety is high and it all shall pass. It always does. Tonight I start watching Wednesday on Netflix and listen to my D&D podcast and it’s all a little better this afternoon, this evening. Really.
I work the problem like my dad always says. One problem at a time. One hard conversation at a time. Some are not so hard. Others have me crying at 8:50 am and then wiping tears away to get a Zoom call at 9:01 and say things I don’t want to. But that’s the job. And most of the time you have to do it dry-eyed. But then again, sometimes, life spilleth over.
The exercise helps. Disproportionately. It doesn’t seem like it should help that much, but there you go. Our body needs to move to knock loose the spiraling thoughts.
So I guess I should figure out a time to run again tomorrow.
With Love,
Natalie