This question resurfaced for me from two different sources this week, a sign enough to pay it some attention: are you a trust giver or a trust earner?
I think it’s an important question to understand yourself and to understand about other people. Do you lead with trust in your interactions or do you need other people to prove they are trustworthy over time?
To me this is a variation on Brené Brown’s question: do you believe people are doing the best they can?
I don’t know if there is a “right” answer to these, but I do think there is a more generous answer. Generous to others, but also generous to yourself. It is the gift of a less armored, more vulnerable, more deeply human and connected life. To lead with trust and do so relentlessly, even after being burned by exceptions.
All I know is that my life is better when I assume that people are doing their best. It keeps me out of judgment and lets me focus on what is, and not what should or could be.
Brené Brown
Jim Collins was talking to Brené Brown about this on the Dare to Lead podcast this week and described the philosophy of his mentor Bill Lazier:
“There’s this fundamental fork in the road in life. Is your opening bid to trust or does someone have to earn your trust? Bill’s view was that there’s far more upside, far less downside, in an opening bid of trust. Always. I remember pushing him on this . . . ‘but people are not always trustworthy or will abuse your trust’ . . . it kind of comes down to people. If you trust people as an opening bid, number one people will rise to it. You make people more trustworthy by trusting them. Second, it will attract the best people because they will thrive on being trusted.”
Jim went on to recount Bill saying: “I’m willing to take the cost, the pain, the disappoint of every once and while being wrong. But that is dwarfed by the upside, the human richness, the benefit, the relationships, of an opening bid of trust.”
There’s a particular bravery to leading with trust. Sure, never put yourself in a situation where the abuse of it would be devastating, but I think it’s true that trust begets trust and that believing the worst in people can bring out the worst in people. What we need is a world where believing the best in people can bring out the best in people.
WIth Love,
Natalie