My friend texts me a letter
While we sit together
How to break up with your therapist
It’s not a perfect letter
–after all, you can’t form reject
A mental health care professional
Can you? —
But in their defense
It was 12:36 am
There was quite a lot of whiskey involved
The letter says, in summary:
I’ve been examining myself
My needs have changed
I will be seeking someone else
Thank you for everything
I do not send it
Of course not
But I will, I think, some version of it
Or maybe I’ll eat up monthly free therapy
Like another meeting I’ve accidentally committed to
Acting like I’m fourteen again
Talking around the real stuff
Because I don’t trust her to handle
The heavier parts of my heart
She’s given me reasons not to
Little ones, added up
Where I have to calculate what to break open
Don’t I do enough performing?
I really do believe in therapy
But I don’t want to teach my therapist
The language to use
The definitions
The nuance
I really do believe in therapy
But if it’s the third time I’ve cried to my friends
About something you said
And they draft me a breakup letter
It isn’t working how it’s meant to
This is all very personal
But my friend wrote a story
Where a teenager
Advocates for her own mental health
(she breaks up with her therapist, gets a new one)
(it was devastatingly relevant)
And I just think it’s important to say
That as much I do believe in therapy
I also believe in listening to yourself
When your gut is telling you, this isn’t right
You have agency
You don’t owe your soul to strangers
Who don’t know how to hold it
Don’t we do enough pretending?
With Love,
Natalie