On days like these, I hate this commitment. I want to hide. Not write. I want to disappear into the privacy of blank pages no one will see.
There are things I can never talk about here – too much privacy violated, others’ and my own – and it’s difficult to pull something innocuous from the air and into a WordPress post when my mind is running through specifics that don’t belong in this space.
This blog has become, after all, a public journal of my life. A five-year record and running. All the boring posts and quick haikus weave together a picture of my interests, my attention, and my beliefs. It’s captured the big moments too – sometimes explicitly and sometimes more privately, tucked into poetry for me to return to as needed.
Today, was hard. For professional and personal reasons that aren’t appropriate to share here. But it was. I spent so much time trying to write a ‘quick’ poem that I ended up with pages of half-finished verses – all too flat or too exposing.
So writing this felt the most honest today, even though it’s too vague to be entertaining. (Is that what this blog is supposed to be – entertaining? Jesus, I hope not.)
I’ve nothing to say today. Nothing but, it was a shit day. And I’ll show up tomorrow and try to carry on. That’s the only choice we can make: to keep going, to keep breathing.
My dad paraphrased that Cast Away quote over Happy Hour today: “I know what I have to do now. I’ve got to keep breathing because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring.”
With Love,
Natalie