The Paperwork

In my decluttering this weekend I came across some old paper with a scribbled poem. I always come across something like this. Years of writings unorganized and torn out of notebooks. This one was saved from a notebook I used for work. I wrote it on the day I petitioned for a divorce. Six years ago yesterday. Two months later it would be finalized.

I have so much writing from those years, much of it I will never share. But I thought I’d share this. Not because it’s a good poem or because I want to shine a light on how bad my handwriting really is, but because it’s a reminder of how much good time (years) can do. I feel far away from that human who had an anxiety attack at work and then had to drive to a courthouse alone.

In another way, these scraps of writing are a reminder of who I am . . . someone who writes messy poems to make sense of myself. I’ve done that for most of my life, and it has kept me moving forward.

They say
Wishing the best for you, Natalie
Hand me a copy of the petition
That I filed on a Tuesday morning
I walk out of the courthouse
It’s nice today
The more that it’s nice
The more I want to go home

I feel all the memories
Sharpening at the edges
And I’m not ready to sink in
Or I have already sunk in
Too much

The boy I once trusted
Threw me away
And I file the paperwork

With Love,

Natalie