I tried to find a Ted Talk to show at work today that would act as some validation and balm to this week — or at least this week as I was experiencing it. We didn’t end up getting to watch the talk in my lunch & learn, but I wanted to share it here: The Gift & Power of Emotional Courage.
Psychologist Susan David talks about the power of emotions — how we should feel them, let them guide us in our values, and also remember we are not them. It’s a good reminder, near the start of the talk, that we cannot reject emotions for the sake of manufactured peace:
“But when we push aside normal emotions to embrace false positivity, we lose our capacity to develop skills to deal with the world as it is, not as we wish it to be. I’ve had hundreds of people tell me what they don’t want to feel. They say things like, “I don’t want to try because I don’t want to feel disappointed.” Or, “I just want this feeling to go away.”
She continues: “Only dead people never get unwanted or inconvenienced by their feelings. Only dead people never get stressed, never get broken hearts, never experience the disappointment that comes with failure. Tough emotions are part of our contract with life.”
Uffda. These are things I know, but need to be told again and again and again until I know them. I hit 1000 days of meditation in a row this week — a practice all about recognizing and thoughts and emotions and letting them go — and still I need this advice:
“When you feel a strong, tough emotion, don’t race for the emotional exits. Learn its contours, show up to the journal of your hearts. What is the emotion telling you? And try not to say “I am,” as in, “I’m angry” or “I’m sad.” When you say “I am” it makes you sound as if you are the emotion. Whereas you are you, and the emotion is a data source. Instead, try to notice the feeling for what it is: “I’m noticing that I’m feeling sad” or “I’m noticing that I’m feeling angry.””
I’ll let the rest of the talk speak for itself (or if you’re like me go check out the transcript to get through it faster).
With Love,
Natalie