Patience yields focus. That’s what Shiro says on Voltron and maybe explains while I feel distinctly unfocused today.
That fleeting virtue of patience has never belonged to me. I like things to happen. I know there is a magic in anticipation, that beautiful slow build of looking forward to something, but sometimes you’re not really looking forward to something . . . sometimes you don’t know if you should be looking forward to something or not so if the universe would just pass down the damn decision immediately that would be great, thanks.
I had a lot of energy this week go toward the Pitch Wars submission — something I didn’t even know about a week ago much less care enough about to drive me fucking crazy (thanks, Lin) — and now we’re in that torturous waiting period.
And let’s be real, there are over 3,500 submissions, only a handful of mentors, and I could only submit to 4 who will have pools of hundreds of pitches to wade through and just pick 1 each. The odds aren’t really in my favor, but I’m riding this nice momentum of finishing a manuscript and being able to query so quickly and my brain is like yes, keep fucking going, you can do this.
It’s scary when my brain gets like this. But I don’t want to pretend I don’t want something. It doesn’t make not getting the thing any easier. And I know that I do better wading through the disappointment (and I guess shame and embarrassment if we’re being real) of not getting the thing with the support of my family and friends.
All this to say, I need a few deep breaths to calm down and wait out the waiting period.
And look, if I don’t get chosen, I’m sticking to the original plan. Do a round of edits and cold query agents. And keep writing no matter where the road with this one story takes me if it takes me anywhere at all (which, it might not, but I want it to).
With Love,
Natalie