At least once a month, especially during the writing seasons of my life, I think about this Anne Lamott quote:
“You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.”
-Anne Lamott
They should have behaved better.
Some days I think: We owe forgiveness to no one.
It reminds me of a quote from Avatar: The Last Airbender. Aang says to Katara after she confronts her mother’s killer, “You did the right thing. Forgiveness is the first step you have to take to begin healing.”
“But I didn’t forgive him,” she says. But she still steps towards healing.
This, perhaps, is why I am not a Christian. Okay, it’s one of the many reasons I am not a Christian. If you slap me, I will not turn the other cheek. Even Jesus got violent to throw the money-changers out of the temple. We owe one another understanding, empathy but also accountability. Submission does not beget peace. Community does.
When I write fiction, I do not write an autobiography. But there are details, shadows of my life that breathe through the characters. And I think of Anne Lamott. My beautiful boy, you should have behaved better.
With Love,
Natalie