The drive to Madison where I listen to my book and watch the road and curb my anger, again and again.
And then I curb my self-doubt — did I say the right thing today, did I know enough today, did I share too much today, did I push too far or not far enough, why is it that words don’t come easy to me when words are supposed to be my power — again and again.
I catch up on messages in my brother’s guest room. I open Twitter and read people’s stories and opinions. I get lost in my head. I am always so lost in my head . . . how much have I missed?
Sometimes the plates I’m spinning twirl out of my control. I feel like that this week, like I’m watching the plates wobble, one smashes, then another. But then I don’t, the plates spin, the walks, the books, the things I look forward to even as the world is on fire. This is fine. This is fine. Shouldn’t we all be screaming? Or is it all background noise?
With Love,
Natalie