Speak Gently to Yourself

I’m still working on speaking gently to myself. Our internal soundtrack is our reality: loving or trashy or everything in-between. Our thoughts color every scene of our life. It matters how we react and perceive our outside world but it matters more how we react to our own internal monologues.

I catch myself thinking about myself: “Could you be anymore flaky?” “God, you’re so dramatic” “You can’t get the important things right.” And on and on. In the past, these thoughts have been more dangerous but even in my happiness it’s easy to slip up and bully myself.

Sometimes my brain thinks shame will train me to do better when all it does is make me want to go to bed or self-medicate with wine and fast food. If I really want to do better, I’ve learned about myself, I need the carrot, rarely the stick.

And then this thought, while writing today: “you’re being self-centered wanting that much validation.”

It makes me laugh. That internal monologue won’t shut up easily. I remind myself again and again that it’s the second thought that matters more. Our thoughts come and go and we don’t have full control over them. We are not our thoughts, but we are how we react to them. We are the voice that says “no, that’s not true” to the vicious attacks upon ourselves. We are the voice that says “I forgive myself.” We are the voice that interrupts the bad with the good. The one that says “This was really hard for you and you did it anyway. I’m proud of you.” The voice that says “thank you for showing up today.” The voice that says “I’ve got your back, no matter what.”

That voice is our choice. One worth making. The more we choose it, the quieter the negative record plays, the more tracks it skips, the less I notice it at all.

Meditation is one way to practice not becoming our thoughts. Acknowledge the thought and let it go. Breathe.

If that’s not your cup of tea, just pay attention to when you thought-spiral:

• Question your damaging thoughts. Write down a question on a post-it and put it somewhere visible: “To Me: Is that thought true?”
• Use a positive affirmation or personal vision statement to ground you. Mine is “I am brave. I show up. I move forward.” Repeating this can help me interrupt the negativity and focus on living in my values.
• Be your own best-friend and say the opposite of the thought out loud, even if you don’t believe it.
• Forgive yourself. You’re still growing.

With Love,

Natalie