Have you ever seen the post about running the dishwasher twice?
I only came across it recently, but it’s stuck in my head.
An exert:
[My thereapist] said, “No, what exactly are you worried about right now? What feels overwhelming? When you go home today, what issue will be staring at you?”
I wanted to give him an answer that was substantial, something that seemed worthy of struggle. But instead, I told him the truth.
“Honestly?” I said. “The dishes. It’s stupid, I know, but the more I look at them, the more I can’t do them because I’ll have to scrub them before I put them in the dishwasher, because my dishwasher sucks, and I just can’t stand to scrub the dishes.”
And yet my therapist nodded in understanding. And then he shared his advice:
“Run the dishwasher twice.”
Huh? I began to tell him you’re not supposed to do that, but he immediately stopped me.
“Why the hell aren’t you supposed to? If you don’t want to scrub the dishes and your dishwasher sucks, run it twice. Run it three times, who cares?! Rules do not exist.”
The full post isn’t that much longer, so take a look but I think that’s such an important takeaway. We place all these arbitrary rules and commitments on ourselves and sometimes they are healthy and make us feel good but in other seasons they are obstacles to healing. There is no what I’m supposed to do when it comes to surviving and placing that pressure (and shame) on yourself only keeps you from getting out of tough times.
My scale of wellness tops off with healthy habits and creative endeavors but bottoms out at staying still and willing myself to exist, to not move, to not do harm to myself. Wildly different, but I was doing the best I could at both ends. All those nights I ate pizza and drank two buck chuck were a step up from more dangerous cravings and gave me enough room to heal to climb a little higher on the ladder.
Do what you need to do for you, wherever you are. Sometimes that’s going for a run. Sometimes that’s staying in bed all day. It’s all fucking okay.
With Love,
Natalie