I felt a strange sense of emptiness today, having paused in working on my story while it awaits feedback. This weekend is about celebrating this milestone, but after spending so long working on it, hours daily for these final few weeks, I almost didn’t know what to do with myself.
Luckily, I did some planning ahead. I coordinated with a couple of friends earlier this week to go to Salt Lick BBQ today in Driftwood — I’d been once before with my parents and today did not disappoint. I don’t crave barbeque all the time but hell if I wasn’t salivating over the turkey, brisket, brown beans, potatoes, and godsent bread. Paired with a Diet Coke and topped off with peach cobbler. We rounded out the excursion by splitting a bottle of wine at Duchman’s Winery a few miles down the road. In a picnic table in the shade, we widdled away an hour with a bottle of red.
It’s when I got home today I felt a little lost. I had a new book from the library though and read it cover to cover on my deck, pausing to remember to go buy cat food and chips, and am now spending my evening with a new TV show, the aforementioned chips, and some more wine.
It’s important to take a step back and recognize the small wins in life, like completing a difficult draft, but I’m surprised at myself how hard it is to get in the right mindset. I think it’s the vulnerability of sharing, of the feeling of being far from done, of reading an author who I want to be like and coming up short.
So I’m reminding myself to take this milestone. Reaching a deadline is a big deal for me. After years spinning my wheels on this story — a story that for a while I thought I’d never pursue again — I’m thrilled to have gotten it out on the page. Even if I need to rip it all up or rewrite it or just stick it in a drawer and get going on the next thing.
Today, I’ll try to remember the win.
With Love,
Natalie