90 days became 120 became a year, became two, became three and now here we are at five years, 1825 days (or 1827 right now) of an unbroken meditation streak tracked by headspace.
This has not at all made me very good at meditation. I’ve had cycles with longer meditation times and great morning routines. I’ve had cycles where I play a meditation before bed to try to calm my racing thoughts. I’ve had cycles where I just take a minute or two and focus on my breath. I am often distracted. I sometimes don’t get what I need out of it. But also, looking at the long arc, I’ve gotten more than I could have imagined.
The reminder that I can always return to the breath. That I can return to myself. The reminder that I am not my thoughts, but I can wave to them as they float by.
The recognition that I can build a small routine that happens every day and do it no matter what. I always can find a few minutes to be alone and breathe, no matter the circumstances.
When I started trying for a 90 days streak back in 2018 (my year of Rhythm, of building routines) I genuinely didn’t know if I could do it. I’d struggled in the past to hit 30 days and had gone unsuccessfully for 90 before (I first got introduced to meditation and the headspace app back in 2015). I also was just struggling in general at the time and trying to find a way to heal and move forward. Seeing that unbroken routine built my confidence that year and I started other routines too — joining a volleyball team, writing this blog every day, reading more again . . . Meditation has been a foundational habit for me.
Now, I’ll have to break this run eventually. And I do think I’ll be okay with it when I either choose to or slip up. The danger of a streak this long is that it could hurt if it topples but meditation is not a competition, no matter how much I’ve turned it into one to motivate me. Meditation, to me, is about discovery. Who am I if I can rise above the storm clouds and find that everpresent blue sky? How can I find my peace, my center even on the roughest days? Breathe, breathe, breathe.
The gift of it is that I return to the practices of meditation outside of headspace timer all the time — daily. Coming back to the breath, refocusing, letting go and letting my mind do whatever it needs to do . . . it’s helped more than I can say these last five years.
I’d like to find a way to connect to meditation in a new way this year though. headspace has some courses and topic-specific meditation tracks that I haven’t looked at in a while that may be a good start. Some friends also gave me other recommendations. I’ll explore.
For now, time to wind down and do a meditation before bed.
With Love,
Natalie