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I’ll be honest, I keep crying today. And last night. I am functioning and ran errands and I’m dressed and I am fine, but also my heart feels sore.

In the latest nightmare of 2020, the Trump administration rolled back transgender health protections yesterday. The new rule is blatant discrimination against the LGBTQ community and will disproportionately impact black trans people.

And in case you missed it, this was done on the anniversary of the Pulse nightclub shooting in 2016 where 49 people were killed in a gay nightclub in Orlando.

Do you remember that? 49 people dead. I do, and the grief I experienced then is hitting me again today.

Two more Black trans women were killed in the U.S. in this past week.

It’s also motherfucking Pride month.

I am a part of the LGBTQ community but I carry the privilege of a white cis woman. I will probably not be denied healthcare. (Though I could under this order because it does not protect people from being discriminated against based on their sexual orientation.) I guess, if I could stomach it, I could shut off the news for a while and say this is just too much.

Don’t you dare do that.

There’s a great post I read today by @sassy_latte for white people about how allyship requires a self-care plan. It’s a great post with actionable tips, but here’s one point that hit home for me:

“Why are white people short-circuiting? At what point is it fair to ask that you decenter yourselves? That you recognize YOU are not the priority in this moment? That you learn to be responsible for your own mental health instead of either using it as an excuse to be apathetic & disengaged.

I know I need to keep showing up and I guess I’m asking for the people in my life who do have the privilege to show up with me right now. To protect the LGBTQ community I belong to. To fight for Black lives. To fight for trans lives.

To look at the hard things outside and inside of ourselves.

As Glennon Doyle says, we can do hard things.

I’ll leave you with this music video from Sia that came out in 2016 as a tribute to the 49 people who lost their lives at the Pulse nightclub. I listened to it again today.

With Love,

Natalie