I’ll always remember the time I gave a presentation on blue whales. I was a sophomore in college, studying abroad in the Netherlands (in a legitimate castle of all places), and due to give a speech to my honors class about an animal. Or maybe it was something I had seen a museum? It might have had to do with evolutionary history? I’m not sure – but I chose the blue whale.
It was the first class of the morning, I chugged a Diet Coke at my front-row desk, volunteered to go first, and gave the most enthusiastic presentation of my life. My friend, and desk-buddy at the time, still brings it up. It was a very magical and passionate five minutes of me talking about blue whales.
I remember another time, years earlier in high school where I was called up in front of my then church congregation to talk about the service trip I’d taken to El Salvador with a few of my peers. I had no idea what I was going to say, yet hearing myself talk steady in front of hundreds was an out of body experience. I looked so confident up there, people would tell me. When minutes earlier I had been sitting in the pews wondering if I should have prepared some thoughts ahead of time.
These instances of poise and articulation stand stark in contrast with all the disastrous word vomit in my memory. The time my voice cracked during a singing recital solo. The time I was in near tears trying to get slides to work while I led a company meeting. The times I said the wrong thing to the wrong person and I didn’t mean it anyway. The times my hands shook or my words waivered or my “ums” became so noticeable to me I wondered where I got this ridiculous notion of winging it in the first place.
All these memories of confident triumph and shaking inexperience were clashing within in me this week. I had to give a training to my company that launched my major initiative for the year. And although I talk in front of the whole company every week and have given many trainings in the past, my nerves were making themselves known before this one. It was important to me that it went well and even though I’d asked for feedback from my boss and leadership team, I hadn’t really received any. My biggest fear was training the company on the wrong message and being told so afterwards.
So even though I don’t usually practice my work-related public speaking anymore, I practiced this one.
I had been tired, kind of grumpy, had a headache, and hadn’t eaten and I thought of that speech I gave on blue whales. How I mustered this calm exuberance. I had a Diet Coke and reminded myself that I had all the words already. To go slow. To smile. To bribe people with free lunch and door prizes.
I still don’t know the secret, but it went well. I mean, no one broke out in tears of revelation but it wasn’t really that type of training. I have less public speaking disasters than I used to and this is around people I know. Even though I have an introverted nature, people at work don’t usually see that side of me. HR has the role of always being “on”.
Public speaking doesn’t really scare me. Truly. Thinking back I’ve done it pretty consistently throughout my life: as high school class president, as a Resident Assistant, as HR. But public speaking doesn’t come naturally to me either. There is some courage required still, every time. I think of my personal vision: I am brave. I show up. I move forward.
I speak.
With Love,
Natalie