In the summer of 2015 my friend Jenna and I started a collection of writing prompts we titled “Highland Drive”, named for the street we both shared for a time growing up in New Glarus. She reminded me of this collection today, and I went back to skim through some of our prompts for the first time in years.
We would each give a prompt each week (things like “coloring books”, “basil”, “blacktop”, “wave pool”), and then write a short vignette to answer both of them. It resulted in 45 pages of memoir-style writing through that summer and into fall, reflecting on childhood memories and memorializing some of the most trying parts of our lives. Jenna had just lost her aunt to suicide and I had just got married and was watching it quickly and completely fall apart.
It’s been years since I looked at the collection — all of the writing is raw and powerful and truthfully pretty heartbreaking. We were circling some of our lowest moments and so much that we struggled to articulate out loud made it’s way to our shared google document. It’s how we showed up for each other and it mattered.
I thought I’d pull one of the prompts to share with you here. Get ready for some 2015, in-the-shit angst. And remember — I couldn’t see it then, and didn’t happen right away, but I had fields of beautiful tomorrows in my future. I’m living them out now.
The prompt was “porcelain”:
Bathroom corner
cluttered counter
damp rug and damp body
and tonight i am fucking porcelain
Hold steady, steady
hands steady in front of me
if they clash, if they clatter
my skin will shatter, shatter
and tonight i am fucking porcelain
There is beer in my blood
runs thick, runs thin
my mind tells my mind
that this is fine, this is fine
and tonight i am fucking porcelain
Door is shut, no footsteps
i know where the rooms are sharp
i know where the rooms are deadly
i know not to move, don’t move
because tonight i am porcelain
and i’ve been here before
Bathroom mirror
cleaned counter
damp cheek and damp heart
and tomorrow might be better
(my mind tells my mind)
but tonight i am fucking porcelain
With Love,
Natalie