The old tricks
When the dates sneak up
Along with the bad dreams
Mid-morning and try on some fancy clothes
Play upbeat music
This is what mirrors are for
A reflection to remind me
I am here, alive, fucking wanted
By somebody
And I count as somebody
Everyone talks about today’s palindrome
And it’s like a rugburn on my heart
Shallow, but it hurts
I’m not cut so easily these years
But I remember what it feels like
I read about Pluto returning today
–our phoenix planet–
A cycle that takes three lifetimes
But when he arrives he burns what doesn’t serve us
So we can rise again
I do not know if I believe in it
But I sweat and taste ash
My adoption counselor calls me this afternoon
A scheduled chat in the midst of a long wait
This, another rising, another beginning
When it becomes too much:
The clothes, the music, the mirror
Hide the whiskey in the cabinet
Write sober
(another rising)
(another beginning)
With Love,
Natalie