Count up the video calls
That add up to a decade
Of relationships lived
Between screens and miles
Between life here and there
Spin the wheel
To make the faces change
But it’s been years
Since someone has held my hand
When I’m sick
I want to be strong
I picked Strength
And have pretended
That it means
Not having what I really want
Not even saying it out loud
That it means
Muscling through it
Being okay despite it
I’m a girl who grew up
Drunk on love stories
So it seemed like the right thing to do
— After the crash, the burnout, the break —
To sober up
I’m still practicing saying it out loud to myself
What I want
Because if I number the evidence
And present them to my character
There is a verdict yet to be handed down
My heart stretched taut
While I whisper, open
With Love,
Natalie