There was a day in the winter
Where we walked out on the ice
Great frozen waves cresting on the lakeshore
Blinding white but for our dark coats
And muddying bootprints
Below freezing and yet we could
Feel cold sweat on our skin
As we climbed the ice mounds
Later, we’d walk down the road
In the near perfect dark
Shivering and laughing and I could
See a world where this was my life
He tells me to be like him
And not care too much about anything
That’s the secret, to moving on
I’m desperate for it, that secret
But I would rather board up my heart
Leave it wanting and bleeding in the dark
Than inject it with numbing apathy
Watch it struggle to love with half its beats
I wonder if his heart struggles
Or if we are really as different as we say
A consolation we offer and offer
I barely believe it, but it’s the only way
There was day in the spring
Where we walked the trails
To a waterfall, mostly dry
He touched a cactus and
I pulled thin thorns out of his fingers
His hand warm in mine
On the unshaded trail
I helped and he let me
We had gratitude and a story
We laughed together about it
In the shallow water of the falls
Seeing a world where this would be our life
I look for it in him
Those glimpses of a thousand futures
We’d taken for granted
I want to take him by the shoulders
And demand that we rescue it
Not us, but our possibilities
The children we named
Now forever unborn
But I can’t find the boy I loved anymore
He lives only in the memories I warm
A little girl and boy holding hands on the ice
I leave them there, it’s the only way