The journal I’m using this year, the Dear Self With Love planner created by my lovely friend Jenna, has posed one interesting challenge for me. There’s a spot each day where you can write your mood . . . and it turns out I’m not very in touch with what I’m feeling. Or at least it doesn’t bubble to the surface easily for me. I had to pull out an emotions wheel the other day and try to figure it out.
This may be a product of trying to desensitize and distract myself from my emotions last year. Or maybe I haven’t paid attention to my emotions in a while. My mediations have been pathetically short on the daily, not creating space for clarity as intended. And I often fill silences in my day with noise (podcasts, etc) to help pass the time and (again) distract myself.
I talked to my friends who also use the journal and they said they often use a scale that uses terms like good, great, bad, bleh, etc. So I may be overthinking naming my specific emotions where the predominating mood seems to be tired and anxious (eek, something to work on). I have managed to pull out agitated and content and playful and chill in the past week, usually writing multiple words for my mood each day.
All in all, I think this exercise of mood tracking will be good for me. The patterns, sure, but it’s more about the check-in with myself of “what the fuck are you actually feeling right now?” that I need to confront and understand if I want to do more than distract and put up walls. I do want to do more than that. In theory. In practicality, the distractions feel great. A growth spot for the year.
With Love,
Natalie