There’s this great episode in Avatar: The Last Airbender where Prince Zuko has a major freak out (i.e. identity crisis) and gets super ill and his Uncle calls it a “metamorphosis” because he has a decision to make about who he is. I have a lot to say about Prince Zuko that I’ll set aside for now, but I relate to that sickness that wells up inside you when there is a decision to make and the path feels unclear.
The strongest example was when I was making a decision to leave my marriage, manifesting in three-week-long illness in a five-week span (fevers, bronchitis, inability to keep food down…) in the month or so leading up the decision. And then in that final week, this quietness inside me leading my feet where they needed to go (in that case, to look at an apartment of my own).
But this happens in small ways in my life too. A day spent in bed, for example. Or a teary-ness that follows me around. I feel it in my body when there’s uncertainty, but it doesn’t always show up like that chest tightening anxiety I’m familiar with.
And then, sometimes (all times, eventually), I come out of it with this strange, calm clarity. Even though I didn’t consciously make a decision. Many times I didn’t even know there was a decision to make, just that I felt trapped in something but couldn’t find a way to navigate out of it. And yet.
This is why my mother would come to us in the mornings with solutions and insight after a night of restless sleep. Our bodies often know before our mind catches up that something needs to be done. If we can only listen.
With Love,
Natalie