There is a great story in Untamed where Glennon recounts walking into a room with a group of her son’s friends and asking “Is anyone hungry?”
The boys, without looking up, all said “Yes.”
The girls, however, paused, and started performing this game of mental telepathy. They looked at each other’s faces and eventually in silent communication appointed one spokesgirl who answered “No, thank you.”
The punchline: boys looked within themselves for an answer; the girls looked outside of themselves.
I remember doing this kind of mental telepathy. Of waiting for other’s answers before deciding my own. And to set the record straight: I was always hungry.
Obviously this story isn’t just about physical hunger (though I do think it is about hunger, the bigger, wanting kind), but the scene was so sharp and familiar to me. We need to learn and practice looking inside of ourselves for the important things — to find our knowing. I seek so much guidance on big decisions in my life, but in the end, I understand that it is my own heart that’s going to tell me what is true.
I remember this when my marriage was falling apart and I was trapped in indecision, both wanting and not wanting anyone to tell me what to do. I needed to find the voice inside myself and, for a while, it was quiet and far away. I remember Googling questions about what choice I should make (something Glennon also talks about doing in her book which hit close to home) and looking generally outside myself for examples of the answer.
I made the decision sitting alone in a quiet space where finally I knew what I had to do. It wasn’t a loud voice with clear instructions, but more a gravity towards action — a vibration that felt like me. A knowing.
In the years since meditation has helped me get more in touch with that self, as well as writing reflectively. I think I am getting better at listening, but not always and not always right away. It takes practice.
But I do not look to other’s when I’m hungry anymore. I eat.
With Love,
Natalie