I lie on the carpet
To do hip raises
After a run
And I get stuck there
Stretches abandoned
Staring up at the ceiling
Going through my lists
What do we do in times like this?
I know the answer
All of them
And yet
It takes all those minutes
To decide on a hot shower
A Brene Brown podcast
And to clean up
I prod myself for more
To write, to create
To prepare for work tomorrow
To read a book
Yet only:
I could clean up
So I clean up
The laundry on the bedroom floor
And the sparkling water cans on the desk and bedside table
And the dishes soaking in the sink
I’m trying to shake off
The lethargy in my limbs
And the fog in my brain
Because if you believe in mind over matter
(and I do)
I need to get my mind back in the game
The answer is love
The podcast tonight reminds me
As has every story I have ever revered
But the author showed her hand in the end
And I’m left gaping, gasping
Ready to land punches
Ready to fight
And the answer is still love
Not only are we dealing
With a pandemic
Racial reckoning
Political disaster
But we are doing it apart
From one another
And if we break the line
For a moment
We are locked away for another fortnight
I meditate for 1000 days, unbroken
So I know how to name my feelings
I do it while I run (gaping, gasping)
And then lie on the carpet
Stretches abandoned
Staring up at the ceiling
Going through my lists
I’ll keep going
With Love,
Natalie