Januarys are slow, sober months
The days unfold with aching weight
Thump, in another layer of snow
Thump, thump, thump—
There’s light in the corners
Afternoon sun shining on the ice
Adding another blanket while we curl into bed
The season of girl scout cookies, delivered
My skin dries, my lips chap
I rip at my nails until they bleed
Apply pressure and logon to Zoom
I start to sweat from the heat pack on my thighs
I watch myself perform from above
Look at this peppy human
Running a seventy-person meeting
Smile, smile smile
I mean it, except for when I do not
I nod, because it’s not a fight I can win
I am this person
But not only this person
We are still in January
That stone-cold sober bitch of a month
Thirty-one days that roll over like square boulders
Thump, thump, thump—
With Love,
Natalie