Exactly a year ago today I made my first post of this blog announcing my word for 2019: Create. I remember sitting on it for a while, almost scared of the energy it was inspiriting in me, and definitely scared to publically publish some promises I wanted to make for myself. Resolutions have never really worked for me, but focusing my intention for the coming year in a word has had a surprising measure of success.
So on this anniversary, let’s talk about the year of Create. In short, I believe it was the right word for the year . . . or maybe my year turned out like it did because I had chosen a powerful word I was connecting with at the time.
Here’s what I wrote down for what Create meant to me at the beginning of the year:
- I want to feel creative.
- I want to open up stories.
- I don’t want to be afraid to share my own story.
- I want to live with intention; I want to have agency in my life.
- I want to be brave.
- I want to be me.
- I want to have fun.
- I want to read, write, & collaborate.
Reading through that today swelled my heart. I feel like that was my year. I have felt creative and in touch with my writing in a way that I’ve never experienced before. I’ve felt open with who I am and shared a lot of my story on this platform. I’ve felt agency in my choices, especially in the hard moments. I’ve felt brave. I’ve felt like myself. I’ve had a lot of fun.
And hell I’ve read a lot of books, written a lot of words, and found new paths to collaborate.
I didn’t know how these things would play out throughout the year . . . they were abstract at best . . . but the intention and repetition of the word seemed to lay out the path for me. When I think of how I’ve implemented the word Create this year, here’s what comes up:
- I created time to read again. And I’ve read. 168 books (169 if I can finish one more by tomorrow.
- I wrote a book. Like I completed an entire trash draft. Then complete an entire real draft. Then revised. And it is a real story. No matter what its future holds, I’m still a little in awe of its existence. Of all the time I put into it. The long library stretches, the nights writing in the dark on my balcony, the time talking about plot blockers to my reflection, the staring at the blank page willing the words to come out the way I wanted, the typing while crying because I feel so in touch with my character. It’s like I’m in love again. That’s what writing this story felt like. Being in love.
- I created, what I hope was (and have been told), a beautiful wedding ceremony for my brother and now sister-in-law. Officiating my brother’s wedding will always be one of the most treasured moments of my life.
- I created opportunities to take my writing and creativity into my work, writing and delivering both internal and client training, consistently writing for our blog, and even joining the marketing team this last quarter in addition to running HR.
- I created this blog. And wrote in it every damn day. And look, dear readers, I know the quality oscillates wildly from overshare to half-assed to the occasional usable wisdom, and it is easier to do something every day than it is once and a while but it was also not easy to write every day. But I wanted to connect to writing again and this seemed like the simplest way to practice. I also wanted to reinforce so much that I was ingesting from my year of Rhythm (2018) about habits and self-improvement and self-care. In the act of writing this blog, I’ve also found myself more connected to friends and family who have a steady pulse of what’s going through my head (it would be nice if they returned the favor and did daily blogs of their own for this reason, hint hint).
- I created space to love running again. In the first half of the year, I lost an additional 20 pounds (shedding the first 20 in the fall of 2018) and found through the process the energy to run and to love it. And yes, now to figure out a way to work through some knee pain, (though I did my 10-mile race first!) but I really never thought running could belong to me again. But it feels like it does.
- I created deeper friendships. The repair and restrengthened friendship with my Boston best friends is one of those miracles that took a lot of vulnerability and work from all of us and I could cry about it still. I also feel connected more to my Austin community and was even able to share Door County with one of my Austin friends (Ashley) this summer.
There’s more, I know. The small ways Create played out in my week-to-week. Create was sometimes the tangible but more often it was the namesake of this blog: life is about creating yourself. I continued to create myself this year. In my discipline (can anyone say two consecutive years of meditation? . . . stay tuned for a future very braggy post), in my vulnerability (this wasn’t a perfect year, sometimes I wasn’t okay, but moved through it in the healthiest way I know how: connecting and sharing with others), and in striving to live my personal vision: I am brave, I show up, I move forward.
I am feeling a measure of sadness to let this word go and choose the next one for 2020. That’s not what’s happening, of course. The word, this year, is within me, as are the ones before. I’m not going to stop creating and feeding these new energies I’ve tapped into this year. I’m going to build on them.
So with gratitude, I close out my year of Create tomorrow. But I hold onto the intention. It’s part of who I am.
With Love,
Natalie