Drying skin, fingernails I rip and chew
They’re better this week, slightly
Although the chipped polish lingers
My fingers give the truest answer
To “how are you?”
I’ve rarely slept so deeply
Than in these freezing winter mornings
Heavy with dreams that keep going and going
When I should be out running and running
But it’s dark and gray and below zero
So I stay
I like the smell of burning firewood
Oakey and smokey and a place for me to write
— emails about hiring best practices, sure —
But writing, uninterrupted
Time slipping away faster than it ever will
In the daylight of back-to-back meetings
My boys (my cats) are restless lately
Talking to me more
Jumping on me more
Knocking off the paper from counters during client trainings more . . .
I wonder what they are trying to tell me
But they read with me quietly each evening
And sleep with me through the nights and early mornings
I haven’t lifted a weight all year — can that be true?
Can someone hold me to something
That isn’t a work to-do?
Or maybe those days are for spring and the warmer months
February is for hibernation
Sleep and fires and recharging
Not every second of life needs to be a goal
Sometimes you can just be in your body and live it
Weakening arms be damned
With Love,
Natalie