I’ve had a few layers of exhaustion follow me through the week — nothing a quiet weekend won’t mend (I hope). But whether it’s an iron deficiency or low-level sickness or life just being tiring sometimes, there are good things too. Like a chat with a coworker, I’ve barely interacted with, who opens the conversation with “So I hear you like My Hero Academia?” which is the right way to start a conversation with me. Or the lunch my mom brings me just because she is caring and kind. Or Jensen Ackles’ face. It’s . . . very pretty and I am enjoying rewatching Supernatural.
Or things to look forward to — like the ice melting and Brené Brown’s new HBO special on Atlas of the Heart and more time with friends next weekend.
Or laughing over old and new fandom means (on Pinterest of all places, I know, it’s a problem, I’ll work on it). Or listening to a writing podcast and sending a query and thinking about my new story and remembering old ideas. It’s good, it’s fun, there is more to life than being tired while staring at unanswered emails.
I comb through some old writing again tonight, thinking I can cop out and share something I’ve already written, but that old writing just puts into stark relief how much happier I am now than I was before. Before, as in high school. Before, as in ten years ago, seven, five . . . it got better. And on weeks like this when I am tired and don’t feel like myself, I can still remember how I am more grounded in myself now (even while cranky and a bit unwell) than I have been in my whole life. I’m grateful for that. I’m grateful for a heart that heals and grows and keeps beating. That’s more than enough.
With Love,
Natalie