Time for another Brené Brown reminder. She’s my spiritual master and I quote her teachings on vulnerability and bravery often to remind myself of the kind of person I want to be, even though I consistently fall short. It’s about the trying though, the minuscule betterments over time.
At work, I think about Brené before a tough conversation or when coaching employees who are about to have tough conversations. My conflict-averse soul loves to punt things down the road, to make the argument that maybe the conversation doesn’t need to happen, that it will all blow over. There’s something to be said for picking your battles, but ideally, we’re creating an environment (and living a life) where giving and receiving feedback is not a battle at all.
There’s this great checklist from Daring Greatly that I include in our Leadership Development Program content during the “Giving Great Feedback” week. The Engaged Feedback Checklist is a tool to check-in with yourself before giving feedback and having difficult conversations. It’s a reminder that everyone is human, everyone has a story, and that we need to own our part to come to a solution and move forward. I linked to the full checklist but here are a few of the steps:
- #3 – I’m ready to listen, ask questions, and realize I may not fully understand the issue
- #4 – I want to acknowledge what you do well rather than picking apart your mistakes
- #7 – I’m willing to own my part
- #10 – I can model the vulnerability and openness I expect to see from you
Whether you’re on the Brené train or not I’ve found this checklist to be a quick and impactful tool to reset my perspective. I shared this with an employee this week who found it a good entry point to an escalating conflict that the two people were then able to resolve without me getting involved. Sometimes it just takes a reminder that we’re all making up stories about each other — it’s how we process the world and it’s okay — but we need to check those stories in order to really begin communicating.
Thanks again, Brené.
With Love,
Natalie