I’m doing Dry January again this year. No alcohol for the month. I’ve done a version of it since 2017. That first year I made it inauguration day, which seemed justified. In 2018, I did it until a wedding the last weekend of the month. In 2019, I only got two weeks of sobriety in before going to Hawaii for vacation. Last year, however, I did the full month and that’s the plan this year as well.
Honestly, I thought about doing it the whole year.
I’ve written about the complicated relationship I backed myself into with alcohol in the past, and while I’ve found a balance these past couple of years that feels like true moderation I still struggle sometimes. The occasional bourbon nightcaps that increase in frequency (and quantity) as I get stressed. The craving for one too many glasses of wine to turn my brain off on a weekend night.
On the whole, drinking is mostly happy and fun for me now, but sometimes it’s still not and I admit that I’m not always the best judge of my reasons. Even the scarcity mindset that I fell into in December — I know I’m going to not drink in January so therefore I should just drink a lot now — is a red flag that I’ll probably need to monitor for the rest of my life.
And sometimes it’s easier just to not drink. I like Dry January for that reason. It’s just not an option. I don’t have to think about it and wrestle with the potential consequences. I don’t have to worry about messing up my running schedule because I’m recovering early in the morning. Now if I mess it up I’m just being regular lazy.
Look, this has been quite a week not to be drinking. I’m really scared for our country. And fucking stressed about it. But I’m also thankful alcohol isn’t available as a numbing agent right now. I have a feeling it would just make me feel worse. Honestly, it usually does.
With Love,
Natalie