Posted on

I believe in designing my downtime.

I’ve spent plenty of days aimless, without plans, looking up from the TV to see that ten hours have passed or getting frustrated that I don’t know what to do with myself because everyone is busy or feeling guilty because I didn’t get out of bed until the afternoon. Most of these were a symptom of depression and loneliness that I killed with a bottle of wine on a Saturday night.

I got through, but messily. Over time I learned how to be in charge of my alone time that didn’t make me feel guilty or lazy or lonely. Over time I built up a friend group where I had things to do on the weekends and I didn’t feel vacuumed into myself.

Now, I love when I have a day to myself or even a whole weekend. It’s precious to me and I do my best to spend it wisely.

And look, by spend it wisely, sometimes I do mean watching ten hours of TV. The difference is I do it intentionally: I plan it, I look forward to it, I treat it as an accomplishment.

Spend it wisely also means scheduling in exercise, time out of the house, listening to an audio book while cleaning, getting my favorite food, getting some logistical shit done, working for a few hours to prepare for the upcoming week, etc. It can mean anything.

Spend it wisely means I go into my weekends with a plan. Deviate as necessary. But treat each hour I spend – lazy or active or otherwise – as a choice. It removes the guilt.

Today, for example, I woke up at 8 (as planned) and knew I wanted to adjust the rough schedule I had in my head for the day. This is a heavy TV weekend: I’m trying to watch the entire How To Train Your Dragon series before the final movie later this month, but I also wanted to keep the healthier parts of my routine. I took a minute and wrote this schedule down in the Notes app on my phone:

  • 8-9 Meditate & Read (Ramona Blue)
  • 9-10:30 Write (Blog & Novel Draft)
  • 10:30-12:30 How to Train Your Dragon
  • 12:30-2:30 Hike on the Greenbelt (Listen to Wild by Cheryl Strayed)
  • 2:30-4 Work Preparation
  • 4-6 How To Train Your Dragon
  • 6-8 FaceTime with a Friend (subject to change on her availability)
  • 8-10 How to Train Your Dragon
  • 10-10:30 Read
  • 10:30 Bed

My day most likely won’t play out exactly like this, but I feel comforted having a plan. Even if it’s a plan with six hours of TV and in the back of my mind I’m trying to figure out how to squeeze in two more without compromising my other routines. Maybe if I work while watching TV? I’m trying to load my weekends with episodes so I don’t increase my TV watching during the week.

(Someday I’ll do a blog post on how I intentionally binge TV. There’s a bit of an art to it, but it’s not a skill most people are looking to hone.)

Yesterday my schedule included going to a exercise class, spending three hours writing and reading at the public library, grocery shopping, FaceTiming with my mom, and of course, more How To Train Your Dragon.

Other days have included car appointments and laundry and brunch with friends and seeing a movie and going to game night and reading a book cover to cover. I am the type of person who loves checking off a to-do list, even if the to-do item is ordering Pizza Hut.

For some, designing downtime might feel restrictive and inflexible. For me, it’s reframed even my relaxation as productivity. This morning, I’m right on schedule.

With Love,

Natalie

By NatalieTags: ,