It’s my last weekend at home before I head to Des Moines next weekend and then Kansas after that. Three weeks until the due date. To that end — and to direct my anxiety — I’m spending this weekend getting my home ready. Aka some deep cleaning.
I spent nine hours or so today methodically making my way through the home and trying to take care of some of those things that I don’t do on a routine clean. Like really, really scrubbing the bathtub. And organizing and cleaning all the crap I store under my bathroom sink.
I stopped drinking any alcohol at the start of May — to keep my head clear, be ready to go if I needed to, and to get used to not drinking as often since that will be a rarity with a kid — but it feels like I’ve been hungover these past couple of weeks. I’ve had headaches. I’ve had more trouble going to sleep. My appetite has been off. Hello intense, sustained anxiety. I feel like I’ve been doing all I can to help — my mindset has been better this week but my body hasn’t caught up.
Methodically directing that energy helps, and a day like today helps more than a workday does. I listened to music and then podcasts. The physicality of cleaning gets me out of my head. Earlier in the day my stomach still felt sick and I didn’t know if I could have the dinner I planned (ordering out for my favorite pizza) but a few hours of chores later and it sounded good again. And tonight it was hard to stop finding another task and realize I needed to start winding down for the night.
I’m not a perfectionist so things aren’t perfect, but slowly my place starts to feel fresher. I have more to do tomorrow in the kitchen — though I did clean the oven and work on the floors. I think some cabinet reorganization may be in order.
With Love,
Natalie