This coming week we’re doing a “stuff swap” at work. Hosted by our sustainability committee, this is an opportunity to bring in gently used clothes, books, games, etc for others to take/share. Whatever’s not taken by employees we will donate to local charities.
It’s a great idea (our sustainability committee kills it on a regular basis) and a great opportunity for me to do the ritual spring closet clean out.
A side effect of dropping a few dress sizes over the winter means that a lot of my current wardrobe doesn’t fit me anymore. I’ve taken to knotting my shirts at the bottom to create a better shape and making Target runs for cheap essentials. I’m hesitant to go out and buy nicer clothes until my weight stabilizes.
I’ve been throwing some items aside as I go (wearing them and realizing they don’t fit or that they make me feel frump-mcgump by mid-day), but today I went all out. Put on an audiobook (I started Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport today) and tried on nearly everything in my closet. It took a few hours and resulted in 30% of my clothes going into piles.
I tried to channel some Stasia Savasuk and ask not only “does this fit?” but also “does this make me like myself?” I am not about my clothes hurting my feelings. Going through this process I’ve also found that my tastes have changed. Dresses that I bought four years ago and loved don’t feel like me anymore.
Although there are a couple of dresses that I still love and are a few sizes too big that hurt my heart to put them in the donation pile. But I don’t want clothes that don’t fit. And someone else can love them now. I can pull on some Marie Kondo as well: thank the item, let it go.
When I gained weight, I also purged my closet. I got rid of the dresses that didn’t zip up anymore. I let go of the jeans that dug into my stomach. They hurt my feelings. I wasn’t about hanging onto clothes that didn’t fit to try to make me want to lose weight. That sucks. I don’t regret getting rid of those clothes. Learning to love your body means loving it no matter what, not just when it can squeeze back into that dress you bought when you were eighteen.
Seeing three stacks of clothes and a row of empty hangers is cathartic. I feel like I’ve made room for who I am today. And damn, there are few things that make me feel more productive on a Saturday than a full closet clean out.
With Love,
Natalie