I’ve been having a hard time fully recovering after being sick earlier the week which came on the heels of my emotional exhaustion after finishing a major revision on the heels of getting runner’s knee and being pulled out of my normal exercise regimen.
It’s manifested in a little less reading, a little more TV and fanfiction, some light insomnia coupled with a fun emotional fragility.
It’s all pretty annoying. And it’s all pretty temporary. A couple of weeks like this in my early twenties and I would be barrelling towards a full-blown depression. I remember weeks like this where my thought process was panic and non-preventative and I spiraled out for months.
This week instead I gave myself permission to be a little off, to take care of myself how I wanted to, and to regain energy so that I could slip back into routines I know help build my happiness every day. And I still meditated and wrote my blog and held the line: I’m in no danger of slipping into more destructive depressive habits and I am so grateful to myself that I’ve spent the time building this foundation, this cushion, to weather the expected cycles.
Today I’m traveling home to Wisconsin for a week and even though the sleeplessness came in full force last night, I have already seen the upside of the cycle in the last couple days and today I feel awake and excited and like myself — ready to be with my family and grateful to have the space to get some work done next week outside of the normal office distractions.
It’s so important to pay attention to our triggers and our cycles. To be proactive about early warning signs if you’re someone like me who’s gone through major depressive episodes. It’s important to react to them not in panic, but in compassion. To accept that ups and downs and to keep working on the small things that add up to a healthy life. It’s an ongoing lesson for me.
With Love,
Natalie