6am and lying in bed dreading looking at my phone.
6:30am reading my phone. 7am reading fanfiction.
8am, in the shower, trying to wipe it away.
8:30am watching anime.
9am sitting listlessly, heavily, wondering what to do.
10am reading a new book.
11am working, though my PTO half-day isn’t up. Anything to distract from the scenarios, the count, the reality that the razor-thin margins paint. (people were okay with this, this administration, this country).
The afternoon — a blur — Wisconsin — Michigan — that one electoral vote in Nebraska that’s looking really important, but we have it. I’m heavy, working, a distraction, but every feeling is sitting on my skin, ready to react.
4:30pm wine.
6:30pm tacos.
Next, next, next.
I wanted to believe that we would show the world that this wasn’t who America is. Not the people. Not the overwhelming majority. But we have not shown that. Not at all. And if it’s victory I’m starting to taste, starting to hope for, starting to see in the projections — it is a bitter one. I’m sad.
7pm wine.
With Love,
Natalie